Let’s talk about something most of us have done at least once—faking it.
If you’ve never faked an orgasm, go ahead and stand up. (Don’t worry, I can’t see you—but I’m definitely staying seated.) I bet most of you are still sitting.
Yep, almost everyone has faked it at some point, so you’re absolutely not alone. And yes, it’s totally okay to fake it every now and then—you’re completely normal!
There are plenty of reasons why women fake it, but whatever the reason, it doesn’t make you a fake person. It only makes you a woman who fakes orgasms sometimes—just like everybody else.
So, why do women fake it?
During the short chat we have before a session, I always mention that an orgasm is welcome but isn’t the goal of the session—so there’s no need to fake it. :)
This line almost always gets a smirk or the “I know exactly what you’re talking about” look.
Most women who’ve shared their reasons for faking describe what I call the "In & Out Orgasm." This usually happens when they’re not enjoying the moment, are tired, distracted, or already know they’re not going to get there. Faking it feels like the easiest and fastest way to end things and avoid stress or conflict.
Another reason is to make their partner feel good about himself and his sexual performance, even when things aren’t quite hitting the mark. This is the "Cheerleader Orgasm"—when you worry that your partner will feel inadequate if you don’t achieve orgasm and you don’t want to hurt him.
On the other hand, there’s the "Performer Orgasm"—faking it to avoid disappointing a partner. Social norms and expectations, like the belief that orgasm is the ultimate goal or that women should climax from penetration alone, create pressure to conform. Many women fake it to meet these ideals, trying to appear impressive while hiding their true experiences. Often, it’s a way to mask insecurities about their sexual performance or body image.
Is there a downside to this?
Faking it once in a while isn’t a big deal, but when it becomes a habit, it can lead to trouble.
By faking orgasms regularly, you deny yourself the chance for a more pleasurable experience. Over time, you might stop trying to reach orgasm or even expressing your needs. Before you know it, sex becomes shallow and boring.
This pattern harms intimacy and trust, creating a gap between reality and what your partner believes works for you. Over time, this disconnect makes it harder to connect and discover what truly feels good for both of you.
There’s a silent pressure that builds, leading to feelings of guilt, resentment, or emotional distance. The whole dynamic begins to feel less real and more like a performance.
I understand that breaking the habit of faking orgasms isn’t easy. I know encouraging open communication with your partner sounds like a good idea, but it’s not always practical or doable. Still, try to reduce the number of faked orgasms in your sex life. You owe it to each other and, most importantly, to yourself.
Could this have any upsides?
Faking it once in a while, in situations where you just want to wrap things up and avoid unnecessary drama, can be useful. Sometimes, faking an orgasm can feel empowering—it gives you control of the moment.
A little pretending can even spark something real. Breathing faster or letting your body shake a bit can make the experience feel more exciting and might help you get in the right mood. Sometimes, a small piece of realety is all it takes to create a great fantasy.
And, of course, seeing your partner feel good can sometimes bring genuine joy.
Bottom line...
Orgasm is a wonderful and vital part of a fulfilling sex life.
But what if we saw sex a bit differently?
Instead of judging women for faking it, we let go of the question: "Did you finish?"
What if we saw sex differently?
Instead of making orgasm the only measure of performance and pleasure, we find new ways to be excited—new ways to feel good.
What if we saw sex differently?
Instead of worrying about "doing a good job," we stop seeing sex as a job. We let go of the pressure to achieve and focus on the sensations, the intimacy, the connection. We find joy not just in arriving, but in every moment of the ride.
What if we saw sex differently?
Instead of trying to meet other people’s expectations, we start listening to our bodies and hearts. Maybe then we’d have space to breathe, to relax, to simply be.
Remember, sex—especially for women—depends on emotional and psychological connection as much as the physical. The key question isn’t whether he’s hard, you’re wet, or if there’s an orgasm. It comes down to one thing: Do you feel good about yourself, or not ?
And if an orgasm is important for you to feel good about yourself, you can always rely on your little vibrating friend in the drawer next to your bed. No orgasm will compare to him or your own fingers, so you can incorporate it during sex or afterward while you lie back, relaxed, pleasuring yourself, with your partner beside you.
What matters is that the train hits the station in the end, and all the passengers are satisfied!