SO, WHY DO WOMEN FAKE IT?

Let’s talk about something most of us have done at least once—faking it.

If you’ve never faked one, go ahead and stand up. (Don’t worry, I can’t see you—but I’m definitely staying seated).

Most women stay seated too.

You’re absolutely not alone, and yes—it’s totally normal to have faked it at some point.

There are many reasons women do it, and none of them make you “fake woman” It only makes you a woman who fakes orgasms sometimes—just like everybody else.  

So… Why Do Women Fake It?

During the short chat we have before every session, I always mention that an orgasm is welcome but isn’t the goal of the session—so there’s no need to fake it :)  This line always gets the “I know exactly what you mean” smile.

After listening to countless women open up with such honesty, I’ve noticed 3 main type of “orgasm show” women usually play in. 

1. The "cum & go Orgasm." 

You’re tired. Distracted. Not in the mood. Or you already know it’s not going to happen today.

So you take the fastest exit: a quick, convincing performance that lets you end things without stress, awkwardness, drama or long explanations.This one is pure efficiency.

2. The "Cheerleader Orgasm"

You want to make him feel good about himself. You don’t want to hurt his ego or make him feel inadequate, even when things aren’t quite hitting the mark. This one is considerate 

3. The "Performer Orgasm"

Here, you’re faking not just to lift him up—but to avoid disappointing him.  

You want to appear impressive, not “difficult". You worry you’re “taking too long”. You are afraid to make him bored or tired. 

This one usually comes from pressure to conform to social norms and expectations, especially with the idea that you “should” climax from penetration alone (and better after 5min) or that orgasm is the only measure to good sex. So you put on a show — not because you’re fake, but because you feel watched. This one is insecure. 

Are there any upsides?

Surprisingly… yes.

Let’s be honest before we aim for perfection.

Faking it once in a while can be a useful exit strategy in situations where you just want to wrap things up and avoid unnecessary drama. And sometimes, it can feel like taking control — you shape the moment, instead of sitting there hoping something magically changes.

A little pretending can even spark something real; breathing faster, let some voices out, or letting your body shake a bit can make the experience feel more exciting and might help you get in the right mood. Sometimes, a small piece of reality is all it takes to create a great fantasy.

And, of course, seeing your partner feel good can sometimes bring genuine joy.

So yes, faking can be a quick fix, especially when you’re not ready for the whole “So, let’s dissect my pleasure map” conversation. 

But quick fixes usually come with side effects.

The downsides (and why they actually matter)

Faking it once in a while isn’t a big deal, but when faking becomes a pattern, something deeper starts to shift.

You don’t need shame.

You don’t need guilt.

You just need clarity.

You disconnect from your own pleasure

Faking pushes you into acting mode — which is the opposite of feeling mode. When your body’s signals get ignored often, they get quieter. Desire starts to fade..  Sex shifts from “experience” to “task” and over time it  becomes shallow and boring.

Your partner learns the wrong “map”

If you pretend something feels amazing, your partner will repeat it forever.

They’re not mind readers — they’re following the clues you gave them.

Meanwhile, you’re stuck in a loop of “That’s not it… still not it… why are we doing this again?”

The trust and connection with your partner gets thinner

Each time you perform, you fade just a little. And when you fade, connection has nothing steady to hold onto.

Faking creates a small gap every time: your body feels one thing, your performance shows another. Little by little, that gap stretch, and before you even notice, it becomes harder to cross.

Suddenly the whole dynamic feels less true and more like a show.

Then comes the guilt. A touch of resentment. A quiet distance settling between you — you’re together… but not really.

You create pressure for your future self

If you faked it last time, it can feel awkward to say, “…actually, this doesn’t really do it for me.”

So you fake again. And again. And now you’re starring in a show you never auditioned for.

Then… what’s the better alternative? 

Not brutal honesty, not heavy conversations, not “teach a workshop while naked.” Just small, gentle truths.

Playful honesty like, “Slower feels nicer for me,” “Wait — right there, that’s good,” “Let’s switch it up,” “I’m enjoying this, but I’m not close yet,” or “Pause, I need a new angle.” 

You don’t need to confess your entire faking history — just start being a little more present, a little more vocal, a little more real. Honesty can be a relief; it can even be sexy. Most partners genuinely want to please you — they just need instructions that aren’t… fiction.

And yes, breaking the habit of faking isn’t simple. Open communication sounds lovely in theory, but real life doesn’t always make it easy. Still, try faking less. It might rock the boat at first, but that’s alright — when the sea gets rough, a boat simply alters its course. And once things calm down, you’re no longer sailing in someone else’s path. You’re moving in the waters of your own body — and that’s where something real begins.

What Really Matters

Orgasm is wonderful. It matters. It adds depth and joy to a good sex life.

But what if we looked at sex a little differently?

What if we stopped treating orgasm as the official stamp of pleasure, and let it become something you discover — new ways to feel good, new ways to wake up your body?

What if, instead of asking women, “Did you finish?” we just said, “Take your time, no rush,” and actually meant it?

And what if we stopped trying to “do a good job,”

and let sex stop being… well, a job?

Let pleasure be explored, not performed.

Let connection matter more than perfection.

What if we let sex breathe a little, loosen up, and stop taking itself so seriously?

Maybe that’s when everything gets lighter. More playful. More honest.

And most important… more fun!

In the end, the real question isn’t whether he’s hard, you’re wet, or someone reaches an orgasm.The real question is simple: Do you feel good about yourself?

And if orgasm is part of that feeling — good. You have what you need. Your fingers or your small vibrating friend in the drawer will always be there for you. Nothing beats the orgasm you create yourself. Use it during sex, or after, while you rest back and enjoy yourself with your partner beside you.

Because when the train hits the station, what matters is everyone steps off satisfied.